There are not one but TWO boxes of “Cheese Club” mac and cheese in our kitchen right now. They’ve been there for many moons, they’ve survived much longer than boxes of mac and cheese normally do in my kitchen. Do you guys do this, where you’re alone in the house, you’re bored or depressed or stressed out, and suddenly you find yourself in the kitchen? Usually that ends with me grabbing something to eat in front of the television. But lately I end up in the kitchen and find myself thinking, how did I even get here? Why did I come in here? And I look around and think, “I used to do something in this situation…”

But what I used to do was make, and subsequently eat, an entire box of mac and cheese. The last several times this has happened, I’ve found myself staring at the mac and cheese thinking about how odd it is that it used to bring me such joy, but that it just doesn’t sound very good right now. It sounds really salty. It sounds like my stomach hurting. It sounds like a sluggish afternoon and a nap on the couch, instead of getting stuff done.

I almost feel like I’ve lost something. Mac and cheese used to be my number one comfort food. Don’t get me wrong, I still love a really well done mac and cheese, made with, you know, actual cheese, and with interesting stuff mixed in. But even blue box stuff used to … well, fill a hole, for a while at least, and it won’t do that anymore. It’s a good thing, probably even a very good thing, but it still feels a little bit like a loss.

Does that even make any sense? My brain is a little fried by this hellish project I’m doing at work, and I had yoga class tonight, so I might be a little loopy and less than articulate. :)