There are not one but TWO boxes of “Cheese Club” mac and cheese in our kitchen right now. They’ve been there for many moons, they’ve survived much longer than boxes of mac and cheese normally do in my kitchen. Do you guys do this, where you’re alone in the house, you’re bored or depressed or stressed out, and suddenly you find yourself in the kitchen? Usually that ends with me grabbing something to eat in front of the television. But lately I end up in the kitchen and find myself thinking, how did I even get here? Why did I come in here? And I look around and think, “I used to do something in this situation…”
But what I used to do was make, and subsequently eat, an entire box of mac and cheese. The last several times this has happened, I’ve found myself staring at the mac and cheese thinking about how odd it is that it used to bring me such joy, but that it just doesn’t sound very good right now. It sounds really salty. It sounds like my stomach hurting. It sounds like a sluggish afternoon and a nap on the couch, instead of getting stuff done.
I almost feel like I’ve lost something. Mac and cheese used to be my number one comfort food. Don’t get me wrong, I still love a really well done mac and cheese, made with, you know, actual cheese, and with interesting stuff mixed in. But even blue box stuff used to … well, fill a hole, for a while at least, and it won’t do that anymore. It’s a good thing, probably even a very good thing, but it still feels a little bit like a loss.
Does that even make any sense? My brain is a little fried by this hellish project I’m doing at work, and I had yoga class tonight, so I might be a little loopy and less than articulate. :)
I totally get that. I know that feeling, both with food and going to the movies. Seriously! I used to *run* to the movies after work sometimes, just to be alone in the dark with stories about other people playing out – anything that didn’t have to do with me. At some point, that broke – it just didn’t fill a hole anymore, and it does feel like a loss. It’s so strange.
You know what’s sad? I feel sorry for the little smokey head guy.
…and now I want some Kraft mac & cheese.
No you don’t!!! it’s too salty. :D
You know what’s good tho, occasionally Niles and I will have lunch at Beckett’s by the Food Hole, they do a really great mac and cheese lunch special. It’s just the right amount, it’s like four cheeses, with peppers and onions and mushrooms and garlic cut up into it, with toasty crunchy bread crumbs on the top. Now THAT is a mac and cheese.
I totally get it. I think I kind of fear losing my comfort foods. Sometimes I force them to be comfort foods even after they aren’t any more.
A good mac and cheese – Stanford’s has a delicious three-cheese once. My mouth is watering just thinking of it. But it is too big for 2 people (partly because it is so freakin’ rich)!
Wow, this is so… powerful. I mean the emotional complexity is so rich and real. The way it feels great but also a little sad. This is like what I strive for in comics. You are awesome, Sarah.