Interesting fact: I have, in the past, and I did again tonight, use the word “ostentatious” to refer disparagingly to my boobs. I know, I know, I’m sure it is a problem that lots of ladies wouldn’t mind having. But I can’t jog. I can’t find a sports bra that can… contain them. I can’t wear strapless or spaghetti strap dresses because the only bras that fit me have wide “comfort straps”. I’ve always been self-conscious about them, and I’ve been wearing minimizers almost since puberty. My cousin – lots of the ladies in my family have this problem – got a reduction many years ago, and I’ve always been jealous of her for that.

And I know I should focus on the positives, but some days it’s just one more thing about me that’s BIG. I have got to figure out a way to make peace with the girls, am I right?

I’m still not wearing a dress that calls attention to them though. Especially not to this wedding.

Oh! so Niles immediately went to the internet and we spent some minutes looking at pictures of people with names like “Chesty Morgan” and “D D Reeves” (get it?) and “Busty Brown”. Did you know there is a “Big Breast Archive”? This internet thing has EVERYTHING. Well, everything boob-related anyway.