It’s been a while since I turned my attention towards this kind of thing, huh? I’ve been feeling kind of down about myself on this front lately, I think partly because it’s winter and I can’t run or bike or get out as much as I want to. Or maybe it’s because I have to make my appointment for my annual physical soon and I’m not looking forward to the scale in the doctor’s office. Or maybe it’s just because I get down during these long dark months, who knows? Fortunately, a few key articles and blog posts have found their way in front of my eyeballs lately, in particular this one from GabiFresh, which links to a whole slew of other awesome posts and articles too.
But we get a strange North Shore lifestyle magazine at the office (no one knows why; we never subscribed) and it’s vapid but utilitarian bathroom reading. I stumbled across this checklist in a recent issue, and realized that… well, yeah, I probably had an eating disorder as a kid. It may never have blossomed into a full-on textbook definition of anorexia or bulemia, but even now, I still have some of these signs from time to time.
I’m tempted to wonder what might have happened had I been diagnosed and treated for it, but that’s such a dangerous game; there’s no point in wondering what would have happened. You can’t go back and change the past, all you can do is change things moving forward. And moving forward, I don’t ever again want to feel like I am nothing more than the shape of my body, and that my shape is inadequate. Moving forward, I want to be happy and confident and healthy and proud no matter what my body looks like.