Ok, we have a lot of ground to cover today.
First off, I know I’m not at my ideal weight but I’d really like to know in what world a size 14 counts as “obese”. It’s ok, Kristin talked me off the ledge when I saw that, and pointed out that a computer can’t tell the difference between muscle and fat. According to that same algorithm most professional athletes would be obese.
Second, I have been taken to task for some of the things I’ve put in this comic about my mom. It hasn’t been a lot, but it hasn’t been flattering either. I feel it’s necessary to include it, because it’s a big part of all of my issues about food and self-worth. But I also feel it’s necessary to point out that anything she’s said to me, any damage she’s dealt me, she got at least twice as much of that from her mother. And her mother got even more from her parents. These unhealthy attitudes on eating and self-esteem that I’m trying to muddle through, they’re all part of a terrible vicious cycle, and my mom deserves credit for lessening the blow as much as she was able.
I don’t even know for sure if she reads this blog yet. My mom and I disagree about a lot of things, like any parent and child, but she did her best and raised me well and I love her. :)
What else… I will be in Portland for Stumptown comics festival this weekend! Table 128. Come out and say hello. Any PDXers reading this, can you help me figure out how to get the Koi Fusion truck to come out to Stumptown? I will be a very sad Sarah if I can’t get a taste of some Bulgogi tacos and Seoul Sliders before I leave town. :)
Just wanted to stop in and say that I love your drawings and your attitude. I’m struggling with many of the same things (including body image issues inherited from my mom) and I always squeal with glee when I see your blog entries in my feed. Thanks for documenting your journey.
I agree with Jamie! I get so much inspiration from this blog, Sarah. I’ve been sharing it with my fellow weight-loss strugglers. And I have to say, that while your friend is correct about BMI in athletes, you do have to have a ridiculously low body fat percentage for that to happen. You could have your doctor calculate your body fat (or get a scale that does it), and maybe that will help you get a more realistic starting point. Although for some reason recently, the more weight I lose, the higher my body fat percentage gets. I think it might be that I’m drinking so much water? On second thought, just have your doctor do it. Don’t get one of these stupid scales.
I was giving a lecture on health disparities in a class I TA, and when we talked about overweight and obesity, I had pointed out that when the class started, I was obese. I was 5’3.5″ and 175 pounds. I had lost weight by the time I gave the lecture, but was still overweight. Many people in the class couldn’t wrap their head around the fact that I was obese. Society, for better or worse, has changed our perceptions of weight. Now, when you look at someone who is overweight (BMI 25-29), you generally just think they’re a little on the heavy side of normal. When you look at someone who has an obese BMI (say, 30 – 35), they just look overweight. And the morbidly and severely obese (think your Biggest Loser contestants) are the only ones who look obese to us. We’ve made all of our sizes bigger through the years. Marilyn Monroe may have worn a size 10, but if you ever find size 10 dresses from the 50s and 60s in a thrift shop, my size 8 ass can’t fit into them! They’re actually closer to a size 6. And I’m a size 8 in pants, but I’m still overweight and my BMI is 27.2 (I recently learned that I’m actually 5’3.5″ and not 5’4″, which BLOWS). I’ve got 12 pounds before I’m at the HIGH end of normal weight for my height. And for some reason my body fat percentage (as told by my scale) is in the “obese” category, which seems insane to me because I am muscular as well, and I work out with weights 3 – 4 days a week. But my cholesterol, blood pressure, blood sugar, and every other test are fantastic. And that’s really important.
So who knows. Just focus on how you feel, what your blood tests and health tests say, and don’t worry so much about numbers. Our risk for death and disease drops substantially when we have less than an obese BMI, and again when we have a normal BMI. But let your fitness tests and your doctor do the talking, and let your heart guide you. Not that damn stupid-headed monster. And exercising every day as much as you do is one of the best things you can do for your health! Keep doing what you’re doing, because it seems to be working!
Now I’m gonna go take some of my own advice… Oh, and you better believe I’m gonna watch what I say and do around Ophelia. Moms can have a HUGE impact on our self-esteem and issues, and with that awareness I am certainly going to do my best to never let that happen to little O. I also still, in the corner of my brain, cling to the Catholic-induced guilt that the reason I’m overweight today is that I admired my physique too much when I was young, so I deserve it, and I’m somehow being punished. FUCKED UP.
Oh my god, sorry, that was sooo long!
Seriously – the obesity scale is bullshit. I’m the same height as you – 5’5″ and am trying to lose all the weight I put on sitting at a desk, snacking and drinking. Using the BMI scale (or whatever) to try to understand a good / proportionate weight, it says that you have to weigh 120 or under in order to not be rated as obese! F*&k that! That’s totally wrong.
So… that being said. I’ve enjoyed your blog – it’s funny and I can relate – especially to your love of the beers of the world. Keep up your good work. From the time I’ve been following, I’ve noticed you making changes in your eating and drinking habits. Seriously – just cutting out 1 to 2 to 4 drinks per day will save you 200 to 1000 calories. That’s a lot and it equals a lot of time on the bike or treadmill.
To get an extra kick in the pants try varying your workouts. Add a little bit of weight training (even 1 to 2 times a week). It will help you build muscle, which burns fat faster and the pounds will come off quicker.
Good luck and keep up the awesome work!
Hey guys, thanks for the comments!! :)
Kate, I’ve actually been meaning to do a comic page about this; I saw my doctor last month, had my physical, got all the blood tests. My cholesterol numbers were “excellent” (the CJA alum in me was all “I got an A+ in cholesterol!”) and my blood pressure and other numbers were all well within normal ranges. So I’m not overly worried about the health effects of being overweight; or, at least, it’s not an _immediate_ concern for me.
And OH the Catholic guilt. I know it so well. And I’m positive that little O will grow up knowing how beautiful she is no matter what. :)
Sara: I was thinking about just that the other day, that I haven’t made any huge, life-altering changes, just tiny little tweaks here and there. Changes I can totally live with. I know myself, and I know if I start to feel like I am depriving myself that I’ll just snap and give up.
Speaking of which, you guys, all of you, you have no idea how close I came to giving up this whole project in the first few weeks. It can be really emotionally raw and depressing and disheartening at times, and it definitely was really hard the first three or four weeks. But the support and responses I’m getting from you awesome people absolutely keep me going. Thank you thank you thank you! :)
Its interesting, but I read in Crystal Renn’s book “Hungry” that sometime in the 1990’s the body fat percentage guidelines for obesity were lowered and a million people became obese overnight. I am actually at the top “acceptable” end of my height/body fat spectrum, although my doctor told me “if I wanted to continue to lose weight that would be okay”, regardless of the fact that I had not mentioned an interest in losing weight. He just assumed I would want to lose weight, and for some reason, even though he is right, it made me not want him to be. If that makes sense…
I agree with what your friend said about Marilyn Monroe. The sizes have changed and I’m not sure what the official reason is. I have a pair of Calvin Klein jeans that belonged to my mother when she was my age. Mind you, I have never fit into them, but I can’t seem to get rid of them. They are a size twelve. I wear a size 9. Even at my skinniest, when I was fitting into a modern size 6 these jeans still gave me muffin top!
As for your mother, you always want to respect the ones you love. Thats a given. But you also have the right to be honest and not censor yourself, especially when doing a project such as this. I don’t think its about hurting or blaming anyone. For me it has always been about setting myself free. We make chains out of words, even random comments, and I think at times it is impossible for others to know how much they have affected us. It doesn’t make it right, but it just is. My mother never railed at me about my weight growing up, but the few comments she made have stuck in my head over a decade later. I can’t imagine how I might feel now if she had said more.
I have also found that its the little “tweaks” that have made the most difference for me. Something as simple as asking myself “is this what I really want?” when it comes to food. Kind of exposing that weird mental connection where somehow I expect food to do more than just fill me up. And I am a big fan of weight lifting and long walks. Brandon and I started a workout routine (I know, how precious!) and although its only been two weeks I feel better already. Stronger, and more like someone who loves herself.
I am sure its been hard, but I am so glad you didn’t give up this project. Your willingness to share your personal journey has turned it into an open forum I feel everyone here is benefiting from. Thank you, awesome sauceome lady!
Kim, I heart you. :D Also, if you don’t object, I think your most recent email to me is going to be featured in tonight’s Sauceome. :D
The other thing about Marilyn – not that I’ve been reading up on her or anything – is that she had this impossibly hourglass figure. So by the standards of the time, her waist might have been a conventional size 6 but her hips and bust were a size 12.
BUT I also think it’s important to mention: Sizes have definitely gone up over the generations, but it’s not ONLY because of girth, you guys. On average we’re quite a few inches taller than we used to be as a species, because of advances in medicine and also, believe it or not, in nutrition.
Yeah, that shit’s insane. My mom had an 18″ waist when she got married in 1960. EIGHTEEN INCHES!!! Who the hell has that?? And she looked curvy and soft and totally hot, not waify and gross like so many models and actresses today.
Sarah, don’t give this up!!!! It’s so very inspiring, it really, really, is. There are so many women out there relating to an incredibly cool gal like yourself putting it all out there. It’s so ballsy. And just amazing.