I think you're sauceome.

Ok. *deep breath*

Guys, I think I am having an epiphany. It is a slow, gradual epiphany, and maybe it is the slowest, most gradual epiphany the world has ever seen.

Basically, I think, it is one thing to “know” in a very cerebral part of your brain that you are a decent, nice, good-looking person that people enjoy being around. It is another thing entirely to convince your lizard brain of that. And my lizard brain has been convinced that it is an unblinking, incontrovertible fact that I am physically repulsive, and that I’m just so unfathomably lucky to have friends who are magnanimous enough to be able to see beyond my repugnant appearance and still want to hang out with me. My lizard brain has been convinced of this for the last – well, maybe forever, I can’t remember a time when it wasn’t like this. When I wasn’t sure that I was insulting people with my mere appearance.

And this feels like unnecessarily strong language right now; Sarah, how could you use words like repugnant when talking about yourself?? But the only reason these words seem strong to me now is because I think I am waking up a little, and realizing how … I mean, is stupid too strong a word? How have I been this stupid? How have I allowed myself to be so misled about my appearance?

I don’t think I’m articulating it very well. I’m not nearly as caffeinated as I should be right now. I might come back in a bit and take another crack at it. It boils down to this: I’m starting to wake up. I feel like I’ve been very blind and I feel like I’ve wasted a lot of time believing the blatant lies my lizard brain has been telling me.

Also, I had way too much beer this weekend.