OH man you guys have to check out this guest strip Kristin drew for me coz she got tired of waiting for an update!! She’s the bestest. I’m sorry I didn’t upload my weekend last night, I promise you’ll get your usual double-update tonight, but this should tide you over in the meantime! I laughed so hard I cried a little. :)
Just a little note I will add here, I had a salad for lunch with pan-seared sesame chicken, roasted peppers and tomatoes, little fried wonton strips and a deeeelicious ginger glaze dressing, so it’s entirely possible that she’s right on the money on that lunch description. IT WAS AWESOME.
There are not one but TWO boxes of “Cheese Club” mac and cheese in our kitchen right now. They’ve been there for many moons, they’ve survived much longer than boxes of mac and cheese normally do in my kitchen. Do you guys do this, where you’re alone in the house, you’re bored or depressed or stressed out, and suddenly you find yourself in the kitchen? Usually that ends with me grabbing something to eat in front of the television. But lately I end up in the kitchen and find myself thinking, how did I even get here? Why did I come in here? And I look around and think, “I used to do something in this situation…”
But what I used to do was make, and subsequently eat, an entire box of mac and cheese. The last several times this has happened, I’ve found myself staring at the mac and cheese thinking about how odd it is that it used to bring me such joy, but that it just doesn’t sound very good right now. It sounds really salty. It sounds like my stomach hurting. It sounds like a sluggish afternoon and a nap on the couch, instead of getting stuff done.
I almost feel like I’ve lost something. Mac and cheese used to be my number one comfort food. Don’t get me wrong, I still love a really well done mac and cheese, made with, you know, actual cheese, and with interesting stuff mixed in. But even blue box stuff used to … well, fill a hole, for a while at least, and it won’t do that anymore. It’s a good thing, probably even a very good thing, but it still feels a little bit like a loss.
Does that even make any sense? My brain is a little fried by this hellish project I’m doing at work, and I had yoga class tonight, so I might be a little loopy and less than articulate. :)
“We are making you enchiladas for dinner,” Dave texted me this afternoon. “If that is okay.”
OH okay TWIST MY ARM I suppose I will allow you to make me a tasty enchilada dinner. Although to be fair, Marianna did most-to-all of the work, while Dave slept on the couch.
I don’t feel like I’ve been eating very healthily exactly lately. But I’ve been eating well, right? No, okay, I probably need to work some more vegetables back into the mix here. Not that I have any regrets; neither would you, if you had any idea what Marianna’s enchiladas taste like. :)
That green sweater in the first panel? I wore it every day I could get away with it in high school. I think eventually my mom “lost” it in the wash. There was something crazy comfortable about that sweater, it was huge like a tent, like I could get lost in it, like I was wrapped in a cozy warm blanket. The blue hoodie in the second panel? I wore it until it fell apart at the seams.
I have been thinking about those outfits lately, the ones that I wore all the time, sometimes two days in a row, at least if I wasn’t going to be seeing the same people on both days. At the time they felt comforting, protective, even. I thought they made me happy. I also thought I needed them. At many different sizes, even when I was a size 7 in high school, I thought I needed to hide my body in a tent. Sigh. I’m trying not to mourn for the lost time these days.
I still wear that shift dress sometimes, though. It’s not really THAT shapeless, is it? Or can you not tell from a clumsy pen drawing? :)
So that was some storm this weekend. We lost power for a few hours, but that’s the worst we had to deal with. Certainly nothing compared to six inches of standing water on all of your stuff. They’re finally getting some guys to clean the place out tomorrow, but so much stuff ruined… So I don’t mean to sound jubilant that they’ve been cooking (and cleaning) while hanging out at our place. :D But Dave makes a mean chowder, and Marianna’s bread is to die for, and it’s nice to have copious amounts of well-crafted homebrewed beer in the kitchen. Fingers crossed they get everything sorted as soon as possible, of course.
In the meantime I have been thinking a lot about how they live, though. They cook a lot more than I do, and they cook well. Dave makes all his own beer, and Marianna’s even started making her own cheese. I argue that I have less free time than they do, but the fact is there’s a lot more time than I usually admit. I could cook more often than I do. I should cook more often than I do.
I doubt I really have time to make my own beer and cheese though. Fortunately they don’t live very far. :)
Guys, the brain is drained by work, so I don’t know if I’m going to be very insightful or articulate tonight, but I will try. Here’s the thing. I’ve clearly been feeling pretty good lately about all this stuff. A lot of times, when I find myself magically and inexplicably feeling pretty great about stuff, half of me is bracing for when the spell will end and I’ll go back to feeling crappy again. And there are little echoes of that right now, I won’t lie… but for the most part I’m kinda just enjoying feeling pretty great. What’s the point of bracing for a crash that might not even come? Why not just go with it? When – no, if; if there is a crash, and smokey monster rears his ugly head again, there will be plenty of time to worry about it then.
Now, I am so tired. Must sleep. Brain needs sleep.
So, the thing is, it doesn’t really take all THAT much energy to make dinner, no matter how exhausted you are. Of course it helps immensely if you have something you’re excited about making, and little sea bugs make me pretty happy. I came close to making the whole bag and just eating a bowl of shrimp for dinner, but we have a bag of farmers market lettuce too, and it’s only going to last so long.
I am a little pleasantly surprised at the choices I’ve been making lately. Niles is closing tonight, and to be quite honest with you, usually when I’m left alone I make very poor decisions about food. Or maybe that’s an “I used to” thing. It still feels a little early to tell if this transition is something that’s going to stick around or if it will pass… but I’m not going to hyperanalyze it now.
Anyway. I’m also pleasantly surprised that I haven’t just thrown in the towel on these comics this week. Work is pummeling me, for real. This workload won’t last forever, so at least there’s that, but in the meantime I really am short on energy. Just a heads up, in case tomorrow’s comic is stick figures drawn in crayon.
Oh Tuesday. You used to be miniburger date night at Small Bar. You’re still date night, because Niles is usually off work, but I can’t remember the last time I really craved a pile of miniburgers. They didn’t sound good tonight. But I don’t know if I can credit that to my recent epiphany, or if it’s just too damn hot lately, and I rode my bike 7ish miles home from work in the heat, and probably didn’t drink enough water. Whatever, either way, walnuts and goat cheese and cranberries! So good together.
So! A happy transition. I will confess to you guys that at the beginning of this thing, I might have SAID that I was just as interested in loving my body as I was in losing weight, maybe even more so. That was a lie. You guys probably knew that. At the beginning, my highest priority was always losing the weight. I figured the liking myself more part would come AFTER the weight loss, right?
Only, I’ve been spending so much time examining my own self-perception issues and realizing what utter bullshit they have been, and now OOPS, I like myself more. The crazy thing is, you will laugh so hard at this, is that when you like yourself more, you’re more instinctively inclined to treat yourself better. And that means I have no desire to polish off an entire Rolf’s cream pie (that thing is still in our fridge. It would never have lasted this long four months ago). It means that I want to treat myself better, so I eat better. Only, this way, it takes less effort.
Hey, did I ever tell you guys I used to smoke? For, like, ten years even. One day, suddenly, I didn’t need them anymore. I didn’t even WANT them anymore. It was like a switch went off in my brain, okay, click, we’re done with that.
(Yes I know how impossibly lucky I was for that to happen. I have absolutely no advice to people who want to quit smoking. “How’d you do it, Sarah?” they ask. “Oh, you know; magic,” I say.)
The point of that rambling, unnecessarily long story being that I think a switch is going off in my brain again. There’s been a significant shift in how I see these things lately. And maybe it’s temporary, and maybe smokey head monster will return with a vengeance, but for right now I’m just enjoying his absence.
In celebration, I ate a clementine at breakfast today, so that your breakfast-smileyface has a nose.
Also, I managed to put Persona 3 PSP down long enough this weekend to draw a picture of Persona 3 PSP, and now it is the banner on the lovely and insightful Leigh Alexander’s site. Do you like video games as much as I do? Even if you just said “no,” you should check her out.