You know what, I’m going to treat this as a victory. I wasn’t paying very close attention while we were traveling – well, close enough to draw things, but I wasn’t trying very hard to be crazy healthy. I was working the convention and having fun. I was sure this morning that I was going to have gained everything back, but, well, nothing happened. No loss, no gain, I was terrified over nothing.
Of course now maybe I’m worried that I’m stuck on the plateau, but I think I’d be a lot more worried about plateauing if I had been really trying hard this past week.
And Jamie’s comment from last night’s comic is spot on. When you get a discouraging result, you really only have two options. 1) give up, or 2) keep trying. And it’s not really a failure until you stop trying, so you might as well keep at it.
Ok this is turning into a long entry, but stick with me. When I first moved to Chicago, I worked at a design studio for about 3 months before they unceremoniously tossed me out on my ass. I was unemployed for about 6 weeks, and it was terrible. I sent out resumes to about 50 places, and didn’t get even an email back. So I redoubled my efforts and sent out my resume to 100 more places, because I was unwilling to accept a universe in which I didn’t have a job. I’ve never had a problem with determination and will in creative pursuits, academic pursuits, career pursuits… and I’ve always sort of wondered why I don’t have that same force of will when it comes to getting healthy and fit. Why is it that I’m unwilling to accept a world where I don’t have a job, or a world where I haven’t finished a 40 page comic, but I’m totally ok with a world where I’m unhappy with my body?
Ah but now I’m rambling, I think.
Side note, in middle school the margins of my notebooks were filled with doodles, and one of my most persistent doodles was a cliff/plateau thingie just like this one. I drew that cliff over and over again. A few times it got pretty elaborate – two facing cliffs with a deep chasm between them, a giant eyeball in place of a sun, and mini nuclear mushroom clouds all over the landscape for trees. It would have made a great amateur metal band album cover. Fortunately none of my teachers saw it as a cry for help from a disturbed mind or anything. :)
And THAT is why I can’t draw horses very well, because I spent middle school drawing post-apocalyptic horror landscapes, instead of unicorns.
I know it’s just a number, I know I don’t really care what that number is. But I wasn’t as careful about what I ate (and drank) as I should have been while we were in Portland, and I am very much dreading weighing in. It’s amazing how much damage a stupid little number can do to my resolve, how discouraging it can be.
Niles thinks I’m being overdramatic; he thinks I didn’t eat as much as I think I did, and he points out that we pretty much walked all over that city, so it’s not like I didn’t get exercise while I was out there. Still… well there’s no point worrying about it now, right? Tomorrow morning will tell.
OH holy crap look at that, and we are all caught up. I return triumphant from Portland with a trophy and a bunch of comics. :)
Speaking of which, here are some of the treasures I’ve picked up recently, and heartily recommend:
Mercury, by Hope Larson
Smile, by Raina Telgemeier
Dar vols 1 and 2, by Erika Moen
Pretty Little Book, by Lucy Knisley
Just so you Know parts 1 and 2, by Joey Allison Sayers
Oh look, all of those are by lady-comickers! Well, lady comics artists are just too awesome I guess, it can’t be helped.
Tonya sent me an article about Koi Fusion a few days before we left for Portland, and I pretty much talked nonstop about finding them during the entirety of Stumptown. :)
But check it out, look at their menu, tell me you don’t want to go to there. It was worth the wait, I only wish they had something like it here in Chicago.
However, if you are curious as to what a bulgogi taco tastes like, go to Nhu Lan on Lawrence in Chicago and get the #4 sandwich. That is the closest approximation I could think of, although it’s of course not quite the same.
All right! Two new Sauceomes in one night. I’m almost caught up, let’s see if I can get one more done before I pass out. :)
The timing of this all wrong, btw. DDLL happened on Friday night, and this is technically Monday’s page.
I can’t think how many times this idea has occurred to me, by the way, the idea that I am the fattest person in a room. It’s rarely true, even if it feels like it. And even if it IS true, no one else is sitting there thinking, oh look, it’s Sarah, the fattest person in the room. A lot of them are probably thinking that they’re the zittiest/shortest/lankiest/palest/whateverest in the room. We’re all bundles of insecurity sometimes, I bet.
Also, I wasn’t really like this the whole time during DDLL. I may have had a moment or two, but it was a great event, I met some amazing and incredibly talented people, I made some new friends and read some new comics. Ladies who make comics, they are the awesomest. :)
So I’m still in Portland, and sorry for the lack of updates. :) Rest assured I am still keeping comicksy track of the eatings and that there will be a flood of updates happening probably Tuesday night and Wednesday. In the meantime, to tide you over, here is a picture I drew of myself as a Valkyrie, because why not. Note that I would not make a very threatening looking Valkyrie. I’d spend the whole time screaming WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. :D
If you follow me on Twitter you probably noted my drunken squee-ings about winning a Stumptown Trophy award last night. :) The Complete Ouija Interviews got an award for Outstanding Debut! I was up against some really gorgeous books, so I’m very humbled. I feel like I got an A+ in comics. :) You can get your very own copy of my award winning book (doesn’t that feel nice to say!) here if you like!
So here is a quick update, it’s sloppy but it’s late and I’ve been traveling all day. It is very hard for me to eat really well when I’m traveling, and honestly I had quite a bit of alcohol on this trip, social drinks, celebratory drinks, waiting for people drinks… I’m really quite worried that I’ve undone a lot of good in the past few days. I’m just going to have to redouble my efforts, I think.
Anyway I have two more pages, I’ll upload them tomorrow because holy crap am I tired. Bed now.
So, here’s the site in question. Check it out, there are some excellent posters in there. Kim sent me this link a while ago and I finally got around to digging around the poster contest winners the other night. And in writing her back I realized that I was emotionally incapable of even TYPING “to love my body” in that context. Like, I can fathom the idea of maybe one day not hating it. And maybe even being all right with it. But LOVING it? it’s hard to even wrap my brain around that idea.
But I was thinking earlier today, I’m not sure I know anyone – at least not any woman, but maybe any PERSON – who loves their body. I think everyone I know is at least dissatisfied, and many of them are downright unhappy. How did we get here?
One of the things my yoga teacher was talking about in class tonight was that it’s not an accident that we are how we are. God, or the universe, whatever you wish, doesn’t make mistakes like that. I am exactly who I am supposed to be. You are exactly who you are meant to be. Not that some changes are impossible, or even unnecessary in some cases… But there’s nothing to be gained in wishing to be something you aren’t, when you could be just enjoying the awesome things that you are.
Or, you know, whatever. I feel inarticulate tonight. Blame the beers. :)
We leave for Portland tomorrow. I won’t have a scanner out there. I’ll try to upload something before I go, but most likely there won’t be another update until Tuesday night. A plus tard, mes belles!
Ok, we have a lot of ground to cover today.
First off, I know I’m not at my ideal weight but I’d really like to know in what world a size 14 counts as “obese”. It’s ok, Kristin talked me off the ledge when I saw that, and pointed out that a computer can’t tell the difference between muscle and fat. According to that same algorithm most professional athletes would be obese.
Second, I have been taken to task for some of the things I’ve put in this comic about my mom. It hasn’t been a lot, but it hasn’t been flattering either. I feel it’s necessary to include it, because it’s a big part of all of my issues about food and self-worth. But I also feel it’s necessary to point out that anything she’s said to me, any damage she’s dealt me, she got at least twice as much of that from her mother. And her mother got even more from her parents. These unhealthy attitudes on eating and self-esteem that I’m trying to muddle through, they’re all part of a terrible vicious cycle, and my mom deserves credit for lessening the blow as much as she was able.
I don’t even know for sure if she reads this blog yet. My mom and I disagree about a lot of things, like any parent and child, but she did her best and raised me well and I love her. :)
What else… I will be in Portland for Stumptown comics festival this weekend! Table 128. Come out and say hello. Any PDXers reading this, can you help me figure out how to get the Koi Fusion truck to come out to Stumptown? I will be a very sad Sarah if I can’t get a taste of some Bulgogi tacos and Seoul Sliders before I leave town. :)
Ok, this didn’t actually happen like this. Although I was offered muffins tonight and I did turn them down, mostly because Liz’s tasty Greek chicken and rice dish was so filling. And yes I realize that in not wanting to draw ONE muffin I ended up drawing NINE muffins, so the whole point is kind of moot.
But I have done this multiple times since starting this project. “Do you want seconds?” “No, coz then I’d have to DRAW it.”