I think you're sauceome.

You know what, I’m going to treat this as a victory. I wasn’t paying very close attention while we were traveling – well, close enough to draw things, but I wasn’t trying very hard to be crazy healthy. I was working the convention and having fun. I was sure this morning that I was going to have gained everything back, but, well, nothing happened. No loss, no gain, I was terrified over nothing.

Of course now maybe I’m worried that I’m stuck on the plateau, but I think I’d be a lot more worried about plateauing if I had been really trying hard this past week.

And Jamie’s comment from last night’s comic is spot on. When you get a discouraging result, you really only have two options. 1) give up, or 2) keep trying. And it’s not really a failure until you stop trying, so you might as well keep at it.

Ok this is turning into a long entry, but stick with me. When I first moved to Chicago, I worked at a design studio for about 3 months before they unceremoniously tossed me out on my ass. I was unemployed for about 6 weeks, and it was terrible. I sent out resumes to about 50 places, and didn’t get even an email back. So I redoubled my efforts and sent out my resume to 100 more places, because I was unwilling to accept a universe in which I didn’t have a job. I’ve never had a problem with determination and will in creative pursuits, academic pursuits, career pursuits… and I’ve always sort of wondered why I don’t have that same force of will when it comes to getting healthy and fit. Why is it that I’m unwilling to accept a world where I don’t have a job, or a world where I haven’t finished a 40 page comic, but I’m totally ok with a world where I’m unhappy with my body?

Ah but now I’m rambling, I think.

Side note, in middle school the margins of my notebooks were filled with doodles, and one of my most persistent doodles was a cliff/plateau thingie just like this one. I drew that cliff over and over again. A few times it got pretty elaborate – two facing cliffs with a deep chasm between them, a giant eyeball in place of a sun, and mini nuclear mushroom clouds all over the landscape for trees. It would have made a great amateur metal band album cover. Fortunately none of my teachers saw it as a cry for help from a disturbed mind or anything. :)

And THAT is why I can’t draw horses very well, because I spent middle school drawing post-apocalyptic horror landscapes, instead of unicorns.

OH holy crap look at that, and we are all caught up. I return triumphant from Portland with a trophy and a bunch of comics. :)

Speaking of which, here are some of the treasures I’ve picked up recently, and heartily recommend:
Mercury, by Hope Larson
Smile, by Raina Telgemeier
Dar vols 1 and 2, by Erika Moen
Pretty Little Book, by Lucy Knisley
Just so you Know parts 1 and 2, by Joey Allison Sayers

Oh look, all of those are by lady-comickers! Well, lady comics artists are just too awesome I guess, it can’t be helped.

The timing of this all wrong, btw. DDLL happened on Friday night, and this is technically Monday’s page.

I can’t think how many times this idea has occurred to me, by the way, the idea that I am the fattest person in a room. It’s rarely true, even if it feels like it. And even if it IS true, no one else is sitting there thinking, oh look, it’s Sarah, the fattest person in the room. A lot of them are probably thinking that they’re the zittiest/shortest/lankiest/palest/whateverest in the room. We’re all bundles of insecurity sometimes, I bet.

Also, I wasn’t really like this the whole time during DDLL. I may have had a moment or two, but it was a great event, I met some amazing and incredibly talented people, I made some new friends and read some new comics. Ladies who make comics, they are the awesomest. :)

So here is a quick update, it’s sloppy but it’s late and I’ve been traveling all day. It is very hard for me to eat really well when I’m traveling, and honestly I had quite a bit of alcohol on this trip, social drinks, celebratory drinks, waiting for people drinks… I’m really quite worried that I’ve undone a lot of good in the past few days. I’m just going to have to redouble my efforts, I think.

Anyway I have two more pages, I’ll upload them tomorrow because holy crap am I tired. Bed now.

Ok, we have a lot of ground to cover today.

First off, I know I’m not at my ideal weight but I’d really like to know in what world a size 14 counts as “obese”. It’s ok, Kristin talked me off the ledge when I saw that, and pointed out that a computer can’t tell the difference between muscle and fat. According to that same algorithm most professional athletes would be obese.

Second, I have been taken to task for some of the things I’ve put in this comic about my mom. It hasn’t been a lot, but it hasn’t been flattering either. I feel it’s necessary to include it, because it’s a big part of all of my issues about food and self-worth. But I also feel it’s necessary to point out that anything she’s said to me, any damage she’s dealt me, she got at least twice as much of that from her mother. And her mother got even more from her parents. These unhealthy attitudes on eating and self-esteem that I’m trying to muddle through, they’re all part of a terrible vicious cycle, and my mom deserves credit for lessening the blow as much as she was able.

I don’t even know for sure if she reads this blog yet. My mom and I disagree about a lot of things, like any parent and child, but she did her best and raised me well and I love her. :)

What else… I will be in Portland for Stumptown comics festival this weekend! Table 128. Come out and say hello. Any PDXers reading this, can you help me figure out how to get the Koi Fusion truck to come out to Stumptown? I will be a very sad Sarah if I can’t get a taste of some Bulgogi tacos and Seoul Sliders before I leave town. :)